Yesterday morning, my yoga teacher shared a quote that went something like the one above. She equated the butterfly not only to happiness but to anything that we might be striving for in life. I like the quote because it reinforces the importance and value of patience, surrender and non-attachment. It inspired me to think about what butterfly I might be "chasing" in life and whether the effort involved was wasted effort, excessive effort or just misdirected effort. What ordinary yet precious moments do I miss exhibiting all this effort in pursuit of my goals and happiness?
As I sat there on my mat, I realized in the midst of my reflection that it's been a long time since I've thought about my happiness or my goals. These days I think more about my sanity - about holding all aspects of my life together. My consciousness is simply at the level of responding to the never ending "to do" lists in all realms of my life and the routines that take me from one task to the next.
The quick pace starts with a call out for "ma ma" at about 6am and moves to the breakfast time routine, the negotiations on the number of raisins to put in the cereal bowl, the dog walk, the spilling of cheerios and coffee and the resistance to put on socks. It continues with the morning commute and me praying under my breath that we will all make it safely to day care and then work. I feel exhausted and I haven't even arrived at work yet.
The day shifts a bit as I wait a glorious few minutes for my lap top to start when I arrive at my office. I take a long swig of my coffee and open my calendar. Ahhh...the fog in my brain is starting to fade. Just in time. The task list pops up, the schedule of meetings and deadlines flash on my screen, the ever growing in box looms. I move from one task to the next amidst too many interruptions and shifting priorities. It's almost as though I blink and it's past 4:30pm. I haven't finished what I needed to get done - my brain hurts thinking about how I'm going to fit in a couple more hours of work on top of what already lies ahead. I hurriedly pack up my lap top and head out to go back to my other "job".
The daycare pick up - one of the greatest parts of my day. The commute home - the not so great part of the day. The dinner routine, the dog walk, the bath time, the clean up. It's crazy and joyous all at the same time. It's exhausting. Maybe I'm lucky enough to fit in a run or a yoga practise: A pause to regenerate and find my self and an element of peace. Then the evening continues at my home office - more effort to meet school deadlines and keep up to speed with the readings. I'm exhausted. My eyes can hardly stay open. I tell myself "you can do it"...."it's your last course". I laugh.... I remember my "work" work that still needs to get done and then open my lap top to finish up a few more things so I"m not dreaming about them all night. I look at the clock. I contemplate going to bed without brushing my teeth. The parent in me says "brush your teeth and go to bed". I collapse on to my pillow. I blink and hear the little person with a big voice call "MA MA". I look at my clock. It's 6am................
The pace is crazy and hectic and more fatiguing than any Ironman triathlon I've ever done. The repetition of it all sometimes reaps my brain of creativity. I wonder when I might have a break... a sleep in perhaps... a shower than I can linger in for longer for 3 minutes. I know I can't sustain the pace for the long term. Regardless, the smiles, giggles and hugs from my wee daughter give me strength and a huge sense of gratitude.
I think to myself as I sit peacefully on my yoga mat, listening to my breath and the voice of the teacher... my butterfly has already landed. She wakes me up every morning and brings the power of presence into my every day. I am so blessed to grow with this little being and experience the world through innocent, curious and playful eyes. This is not to say that I am not thinking about my goals or the pursuit of happiness. Instead, I am saying that there is happiness in every day - it is within me or close by me. I just have to notice it. The Dalai Lama says that "happiness is "characterized by inner peace and arises in the context of our relationships with others". Indeed.... may we all surround ourselves with those people that help us to find that place of peace and happiness.
Wow! That was beautiful!
ReplyDeleteLove Mom :)