Left Foot, Right Foot

Left foot, right foot

Small feet, strong feet

Beautiful feet

Through the city

And over the sea

My amazing feet carry me

One step, two step

Leads to three K, then four

Before I know it, I’ve run 3 more

Feet powered by muscles

Take me up the hill

Lung power and endurance, no required skill

Point A to point B

And finally to point C

My amazing feet carry me

A great view of the mountains

The scenic route, I would even say fun

This is sustainable transport, second to none

A free ride, no polluting the air

The benefits are endless for body and mind

This running home is my perfect way to unwind

For the life of me, I can not do math while running but oddly, I can come up with Dr. Seuss inspired poetry as I plod along. I may have read The Foot Book one too many times this week to have these words merge themselves together on my run home from work on Saturday. Yes, I was feeling a bit sorry for myself for having to play catch up on the weekend and miss precious time with my daughter but on the upside, I was productive and I still fit in a run home. And I even had a new poem to share with my daughter when I arrived home. I'm inspired to run home more often!

The Tale of a Not So Super Mom

Disclaimer: This post has an Eeyore like tone. If you don't know Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh, he can be a little gloomy sometimes...

I haven’t slept in 2 ½ years. I don’t remember my last vacation. This is wearing on my otherwise mostly positive outlook.

I don’t remember what it means to not worry about other people “needing” me.
I don’t remember what it means to have free time. I start Monday each week and I don’t even remember what I did on my weekend. It’s a blur of chores and negotiations with my husband about how to fit in a short run and a couple of yoga practices. I don’t remember the details. I don’t remember a time where I wasn’t worried about taking too much time for myself – running for just 10 more minutes….lingering in the shower for just 2 more minutes after a sweaty yoga practice.

No, I move quickly from one thing to the next to the next to the point where my mind goes numb and it becomes a challenge to lift the toothbrush to my mouth. Lately, I’ve made way too many peanut butter and banana sandwiches for my daughter for dinner. Thankfully – she loves them. The health freak in me is horrified by the lack of vegetables and variety that I offer her. I’m doing my best but oh the supermom looking in would be appalled. Oh well, I take comfort in the fact that I do not strive to be supermom.

Many activities that used to define my lifestyle and perhaps my identity are no longer part of my life. I’m struggling with this. Someone asked me today if I’d been skiing yet this season (knowing that I used to teach a ski conditioning class and ski regularly). I could hardly answer – I wanted to cry. I don’t remember the last time I went skiing. The truth is - I can’t find the time to fit these sports back into my life. I even feel like what’s the point of doing it once or twice in a season if I can’t do it regularly? Maybe I could fit them if I really tried - technically, I could still pack up my snowshoes and my headlamp and drive up the mountain to go hiking at 9:30pm at night. Let’s be honest – by that time, I’m ready to collapse into bed.

I will sleep hard for maybe an hour (two if I’m lucky) until my two year old wakes up screaming, running from her big girl bed and refusing to go back. I am amazed that I have survived this level of fatigue for so long. I’m beginning to think that my former life of marathon and ironman triathlon training was just to prepare me for this new kind of fatigue. I don’t remember what it means to have a good night’s sleep. I think if I experienced it, I would be transformed into a new person - probably a more emotionally stable person. I’m only trying to hold it all together – take care of myself and help support my family and do a respectable job at work. The irony is my job is promoting health. And despite what I’ve written – I do walk the talk. However, yoga, running and healthful eating will still only get you so far. I still need more time for two things:


1. SLEEP
2. FUN

Okay, I’ve already declared that I find time for running and yoga so some of you are thinking “how selfish!” No – I consider my quest to find more sleep and fun as a personal investment strategy that translates into returns that benefit me and everyone that I’m in contact with. My family, my co-workers, even the people I meet on the street – they all benefit. Basic, right? Easy to find more time in an already overfull calendar? Not so much. My approach is not about finding more time but working with the time I’ve got. How can preparing dinner for the umpteenth time (when you’re utterly exhausted and your child is whining at you “something else”) be more fun? How can I get my daughter to sleep in her own bed so that I can sleep for ONE FULL NIGHT without interruption? Suggestions? I’m all ears.

My Butterfly

Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne


Yesterday morning, my yoga teacher shared a quote that went something like the one above. She equated the butterfly not only to happiness but to anything that we might be striving for in life. I like the quote because it reinforces the importance and value of patience, surrender and non-attachment. It inspired me to think about what butterfly I might be "chasing" in life and whether the effort involved was wasted effort, excessive effort or just misdirected effort. What ordinary yet precious moments do I miss exhibiting all this effort in pursuit of my goals and happiness?

As I sat there on my mat, I realized in the midst of my reflection that it's been a long time since I've thought about my happiness or my goals. These days I think more about my sanity - about holding all aspects of my life together. My consciousness is simply at the level of responding to the never ending "to do" lists in all realms of my life and the routines that take me from one task to the next.

The quick pace starts with a call out for "ma ma" at about 6am and moves to the breakfast time routine, the negotiations on the number of raisins to put in the cereal bowl, the dog walk, the spilling of cheerios and coffee and the resistance to put on socks. It continues with the morning commute and me praying under my breath that we will all make it safely to day care and then work. I feel exhausted and I haven't even arrived at work yet.

The day shifts a bit as I wait a glorious few minutes for my lap top to start when I arrive at my office. I take a long swig of my coffee and open my calendar. Ahhh...the fog in my brain is starting to fade. Just in time. The task list pops up, the schedule of meetings and deadlines flash on my screen, the ever growing in box looms. I move from one task to the next amidst too many interruptions and shifting priorities. It's almost as though I blink and it's past 4:30pm. I haven't finished what I needed to get done - my brain hurts thinking about how I'm going to fit in a couple more hours of work on top of what already lies ahead. I hurriedly pack up my lap top and head out to go back to my other "job".

The daycare pick up - one of the greatest parts of my day. The commute home - the not so great part of the day. The dinner routine, the dog walk, the bath time, the clean up. It's crazy and joyous all at the same time. It's exhausting. Maybe I'm lucky enough to fit in a run or a yoga practise: A pause to regenerate and find my self and an element of peace. Then the evening continues at my home office - more effort to meet school deadlines and keep up to speed with the readings. I'm exhausted. My eyes can hardly stay open. I tell myself "you can do it"...."it's your last course". I laugh.... I remember my "work" work that still needs to get done and then open my lap top to finish up a few more things so I"m not dreaming about them all night. I look at the clock. I contemplate going to bed without brushing my teeth. The parent in me says "brush your teeth and go to bed". I collapse on to my pillow. I blink and hear the little person with a big voice call "MA MA". I look at my clock. It's 6am................

The pace is crazy and hectic and more fatiguing than any Ironman triathlon I've ever done. The repetition of it all sometimes reaps my brain of creativity. I wonder when I might have a break... a sleep in perhaps... a shower than I can linger in for longer for 3 minutes. I know I can't sustain the pace for the long term. Regardless, the smiles, giggles and hugs from my wee daughter give me strength and a huge sense of gratitude.

I think to myself as I sit peacefully on my yoga mat, listening to my breath and the voice of the teacher... my butterfly has already landed. She wakes me up every morning and brings the power of presence into my every day. I am so blessed to grow with this little being and experience the world through innocent, curious and playful eyes. This is not to say that I am not thinking about my goals or the pursuit of happiness. Instead, I am saying that there is happiness in every day - it is within me or close by me. I just have to notice it. The Dalai Lama says that "happiness is "characterized by inner peace and arises in the context of our relationships with others". Indeed.... may we all surround ourselves with those people that help us to find that place of peace and happiness.

Running with Trepidation

In my days of personal fitness training, I have rehabbed many clients back from injury but apparently, I'm approaching my own rehab with some trepidation. At the beginning of this week, I excitedly told my physio that I was now up to running about 5 sets of a 5 minute run and a 1 minute walk. She listened, watching me finish my set of single leg plyometric exercises and continued to observe me as I jumped around on the BOSU ball on one foot. After observing a few other drills, she said "you need to push yourself...you can run longer than that...do sets of at least 20 minutes".

After two minutes of hopping around on one leg, I was thinking to myself "I am pushing myself just to fit in these physio appointments and get in a daily hour of exercise.... look at me jumping on this post-surgery leg...I'm jumping pretty high! Isn't that pushing myself?! And hey...what about the 10% rule?". I shut off my inner voice and said "okay", in part excited by the prospect of going for a real run!

So listening to the physio, I started this week running 10 minutes and walking 1 minute and ended the week with a continuous 30 minute run pushing 50 lbs of kid and stroller along with dog around my waist. The stroller was not part of the plan but hey, it was a way I could take the dog out, occupy Ellie with some new scenery, get in a run and and pick up dinner. In less than an hour, I checked three thing off my "to do" list. I'm a bit stiff (mostly my arms from pushing the stroller up hill all weekend!) but truly, I think it's my fitness level that's going to have to catch up with my new knee.

Finished off the week with a great Power Yoga class that left the positive vibrations flooding my body and mind - let's see if I can take those off the mat and into this crazy week that lays ahead. Shanti, shanti, shanti!

Sunday Morning Runs In Sight

Okay, I'm not Jane Benoit...that part is obvious and for those that don't know me, I've already declared that these legs of mine are more penguin like than cheetah like (they can go long distances but not very fast). As mentioned in my last post, Jane won the Olympic Marathon trials just over 3 weeks after arthroscopic surgery. I'm at 7 weeks post surgery and ran for the first time today. I ran a total of 8 minutes ! Well, actually, I walked for 5 minutes and ran for 1 minute a total of 8 times! Okay, I'm still a long shot away from a marathon or a long distance trail race but it still felt great to be out running on a Sunday morning.

Seeing a runners out on the trail on a Sunday morning might have made me a little envious a few months ago. Today, I was inspired - fully energized by the fact that I will be joining them in a few months myself. For so many years of my life Sundays have always been for running - with an injury and a wee one - that hasn't been the case over the last year. However, I'm confident I'll be able to re-connect to that tradition sometime soon. I've been swimming, spinning, practising yoga and diligently doing my boring physio exercises. It's all good and progress is upward. I'm a little bit worried about fitting all this in with school starting next week but I'm hopeful!

Dreaming of Trails - 1 Week After Knee Surgery

It has been over a year since my last post. I can't believe this much time has whizzed by - it has been a very full year and a time of much transition! Moving, returning to work and grad school after maternity leave, learning how to live as a family after many months spent in separate provinces and adjusting to injury! Yes, I'm back to where I started this blog over two years ago - with a pain in my left knee!

Only this time, I'm one week into rehabbing from arthroscopic surgery that repaired my medial meniscus. Running has always been my joy, my escape, my social time, my sanity and my way of connecting with nature. I have been without that joy since last August - a stupid fall left my knee twisted, bloody and with a torn meniscus. The whole experience was rather deflating considering that I had spent considerable time building my running back up to a pre-pregnancy state. Let me be clear - I am ever so grateful for what my body can do with or without a torn meniscus. That being said, nothing replaces the freedom that comes from running - moving your body like it was meant to move. This movement - this freedom - it is part of our nature.

After many months of waiting to for an MRI, appointments with sports medicine doctors and finally, with an orthopaedic surgeon, my running shoes sat there - clean and lonely on the shoe rack. Yoga practise has kept my mind from cracking and I'm hoping it has kept my body strong enough for a speedy rehab. I was awed by the fact that Jane Benoit won the U.S. Olympic Marathon Trials for women in 1984 in Olympia, WA only 17 days after arthroscopic surgery. I don't even expect to start running in 17 days but if I can start running in twice that time, I'd be ecstatic.

So, here I go again. I have the same goal as when I started this blog - the Knee Knacker trails are in my back yard and I still aim to run this race one day. For now though, I will keep my humility. My first goal is to rehab my knee to the point that I can start running again. Then, who knows - I'm hoping that both my knees and the rest of my middle age bod have lots of trail running years ahead.

This blog continues to be an account of my return to running and my inspirations for running along with the usual ramblings associated with my perspectives on life, yoga and running as I balance grad school, work and parenthood and all the other stuff that life throws at us.

Skunked

Every dog owner dreads it. Every dog owner looks at the bottle of de-skunker in the pet store and hopes that they never have to use it. I have looked at those bottles before and thought, “hmmmm…maybe I should buy a litre and have it on hand just in case……”. Of course, I never acted on that thought. Of course, my dog Otis gets skunked. Of course, I’m at home by myself in the middle of feeding Ellie. Not only does Otis get skunked but he comes into the house (the side door is open) and he sprays the slime all over the house – upstairs and downstairs! Poor guy was totally dazed. After I was able to get Ellie safe in her crib and away from all things skunkified, I found Otis downstairs lying in pool of drool. He was traumatized. This was not a day of “a dog’s life” especially after we had already been chased down by a big mean x breed looking for an afternoon snack while we were out running. Both Otis and I had had our adrenalin rushes for the day.

Regardless, I was now faced with the challenge of de-stinkifying my house and my dog. Oh bring it on……..I’ve just managed to calm my teething child after hours of whining and crying……I can handle it! No pet stores that I knew of were open at 8pm and I wasn’t sure how I was going to clean up Otis. Thankfully, my answer was just a few keystrokes away and after a ten second google search, I discovered a de-skunking concoction that was guaranteed to work: 1 litre of hydrogen peroxide, ¼ cup baking soda and 1tsp of liquid soap.

Problem. I couldn’t leave Otis at home to potentially skunkify the couches and other furniture that had so far remained untouched. I was also not about to pack up Ellie in the car with a stinky dog covered in drool and skunk juice. Arghhh. What to do!? I called my dog owner neighbour down the street hoping she would have some de-skunker on hand. Not home! Asking for help is really not my specialty but I had to admit to myself that I needed it! With some trepidation, I called a friend to lend a hand – thankfully Bob was willing to pedal his way to the drugstore to fulfil my request for one litre of hydrogen peroxide. Not doing much on a Friday night? Well, trust me to add a little excitement in to the mix! Okay, maybe not but it was My excitement for the evening! Anyway, thank you Bob!

Good news. The peroxide mixture worked and my pup smells squeaky clean. After about four hours of cleaning, laundry, dog washing and candle burning, I was able to get the house clean again. I even got in a little extra exercise by getting down on my hands and knees and scrubbing the floor. Little did I know that my afternoon run was my just my warm up for the evening! The air still has a faint reek in the basement but I think it will just be a matter of time before it clears out.

The next day, I find Otis in the yard chewing up the trellis under the patio where the skunks were. I had to give him heck for it but I could tell he was chewing with such a vengeance as if to say “okay, take that you stinker skunk………if I ever see you again…………you better watch your tail……..woof..woof”. Otis once got hit by a bicycle and now he clears the path instantly for oncoming bikes. I just hope he takes the same approach with any future oncoming skunks!